in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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