worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
