I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
