the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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