Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
