eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
pray to the hookup gods
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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