You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
