I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
