i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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