I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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