im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
