taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
