She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
