listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i will never coherently bang her
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize