True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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