there's paper in my vomit.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she told me i tasted like america
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I need to align my fucking chakras
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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