i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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