During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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