im drinking this country out of the recession.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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