not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm at about main and main street
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
