do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
