I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
