I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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