we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
bring money and cleavage
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize