We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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