you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
