Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Are we still banned from the library?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize