Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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