dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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