I wish I only lived at night.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All I want is dick and wine.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
