Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
