a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
