I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
