Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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