Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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