Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
