I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
