tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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