Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize