Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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