OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
