the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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