I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize