you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
