I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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