I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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