ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
operation have a gay friend backfired
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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