Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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