Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
