It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize