I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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