U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
