I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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