I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
