I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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