He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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