My first STD was from a foam party
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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