Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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