my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
