I'm going to jail i love you
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
