sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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