You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
