Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
