yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
