I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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