How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
