Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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