He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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