Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
