btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
