I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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