omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
