And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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