she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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