Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ttyl tear gas
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
