I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize