and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
