I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish they made helmets for livers.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
